By Joel Fernandez
There can be no greater creation in all of God's green earth. Insofar as it is matured to a legally acceptable point, there is nothing better than white vagina. It is enough to start wars where a man will risk life and limb in order to partake in it's heavenly delights. And why not? Surely there can be no better way to enter the realm of the gods than to dive head first into what can only be described as the most transcendent confection that a man can even begin to hope for in this life or the next. Today's discussion is will admittedly be a little biased, but open to all who agree.
The concept of white vagina being the pinnacle of human achievement goes back to before the time of Christ. At it's best, It was enough to make Adam forsake the garden of Eden because of one obvious fact. The fact that the idea of a paradise without white vagina was so antithetical that at the very least it defies plausibility. If we move a little further down the timeline, we see that one white vagina was enough to start the Trojan war. That's right, Achilles and company decided that they would lay siege to the city of Troy because the white vagina that they kidnapped was worth hundreds of days and thousands of lives. Which goes to show you just how precious of a resource white vagina can be when it is at it's best.
Simply put, life is simply not worth living without it. There can be no greater treasure, no greater reason to strive for excellence, and no greater reason to love. It was enough to inspire Shakespeare's theatrical masterpieces. It's loss was enough to compel the sorrow that drove Poe's raven to say nevermore. In fact, white vagina is so amazingly fantastic that it is enough to make a man believe that every last biblical reference to heaven was a not so subtle metaphor that stood for the entrance to eternal joy. It is the reason that some men are driven to become great. So that they might think of themselves as even slightly worthy of what is surely the greatest of all of God's creations.
Perhaps even the apocalypse itself is a metaphor for the sudden disappearance of all of the pretty white vaginas on earth. If God wanted to punish mankind, the rapture would remove all of the white vaginas on earth and the four horsemen would actually be white women that compel men to seek martyrdom. Whatever your interpretation of historical events is, there must be a reason why most of the historical events that we learn about in school are at least in some way connected to white vagina. Perhaps that depends on what school you go to. At any rate, the point is that we should appreciate a universal treasure when we see it. At this point, it would be best to end this glorious discussion with an appropriate quote. "give me white vagina, or give me death".
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