Archangel Consolidated

News Ladies

by Joel Fernandez

With so much bad news on TV these days, sometimes it's hard to find a reason to keep tuning in. If it's not one tragedy taking up all of the air time, it's another. But there is a ray of light in the midst of all the doom and gloom. Even if all of the news is horrible, the news ladies seem to always find a way to turn frowns upside down. With an eloquent delivery and an obviously fair perspective, news ladies make the news worth watching. Here are some of the reasons why.

The aforementioned fair perspective is something that can never be overstated. They offer a clear contrast between good and bad news because without them it would be all be bad. Their often times in depth analysis of any given situation on any given day makes staying on top of the news cycle a priority every single day of the week and twice on Sunday. Whether you watch early in the morning or late at night, you can count on the news ladies to get maximum penetration of each topic until we can obtain a satisfactory amount of knowledge on the subject of the moment.

It would be fair to say that it would be impossible to wrap up the news day without getting a news lady to deliver the parting shot. Without them, there would be an indefinite lack of closure that would loom overhead like a cloud ready to spill rain and cause thunderclaps. As was previously stated, the right news lady can turn even the most tragic news day into something worth watching because their warmth and compassion provide hope for some sort of happy ending at some point. Make no mistake, if this cold world is darkness, then they are the light at the end of the tunnel. Which is what makes their presence on camera compelling enough to make us rush through their tunnel like a speeding bullet train that is trying to burst into the light.

In an ocean of uncertainty, the news ladies of the world are like the mermaids that keep us from drowning when we get tossed around by the waves and sink to the bottom time and time again. There is actually no one better to deliver the news because they usually know the subject matter inside and out and are able to absorb the hard shock of breaking news before dispensing it to us in such a way that we can actually wrap our minds around what we are looking at. It would also be fair to say that the magnitude of the average news lady's impact would be equivalent to an earthquake that could knock down buildings. In fact, news ladies are so important that they deserve a really tall monument with the glossiest paint job that money can buy. But even that would not do them justice unless the glossy paint job was redone until the can becomes empty every single day that they command us to do it.